Not everything is simply black or white: right or wrong in life. This doesn’t mean that there are not Bad people who do evil things for no reason.
When I stopped being the Victim of my story; by acknowledging the cause-and-effect in the story.
When I first started my journey through PTSD, I was the victim of my own circumstances. I allowed it to cloud my better judgment in many ways. I was changed and I was the victim. It was an awful and uncomfortable feeling. Every bit of the changes where negative! I was displeased by them ALL. I was angry with what I could no longer accomplish that was once so easy. I was angry with how difficult being a good mom had become. These were my own perception of my circumstances. It is in reality not this simple. Bad things will happen to us and the reality of it is WE decided what it will make us become through those events. Do we become negative through these negative occurrences? Do we somehow break with what seems the inevitable and manage to manifest into something positive and even amazing?
Only I can decide if I would be the Victim in my own story.* It was an inner battle that took years, it took many wonderful supportive loved ones. My children who managed to see me at my worst as still a good mommy! How? My Dad who still saw his daughter and gently guided me to change my own perspective of myself. My best friend who understood and struggled right along with me on my journey. My husband who steadfast through the turbulence that became my life as a result for a few years. The not so beautiful truth is we were all affected by what happened to me. Because it began with me I had to be the one to change first in order for us all to overcome it together. They pushed, encouraged, loved, and remained by my side throughout this journey.
How did I emerge from this no longer a victim? It started with the encouragement of my loved ones. The positive feedback. The acknowledgment of my smaller accomplishments and gave way to new bigger accomplishments. As I pushed through with them by my side my attitude shifted. My negative ruling thoughts were changed little by little and one by one. One day I overcome them all and refused to allow bad circumstances to turn my ripple into the world around me into negative as well.
While talking to my son one night about why his dad (my ex husband is angry with me) I used an analogy I had coined for one of the negative events that occurred in my life. I explained there is his side of the story, my side of the story, and the facts of the story. I explained a little simple cause and effect. How if I behave negatively he to gets to still choose (and control) if he will respond in a negative or a positive way after that. It doesn’t feel like a choice at first but it in fact is; after you realize that just because something negative happens to you does not mean you have to allow negative to become you!
We discussed perspective and how we have control of our own. Do you create a victim and villain out of a divorce story? Or do you try hard to understand and acknowledge both sides of the story? If you can overcome seeing one side only you could even grow to understand the truth of that story! The parts of it where neither were the fully blameless.
Talking with my son about this gave me new perspective on many other circumstances the difficulty was how does it fit into stories that are not as simple as no one was wrong or right?! That was my new task.
The answer was far simpler than I could have ever realized initially. *It was just a choice. * What do I mean? I am glad you asked! The most fitting quote
The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It’s about what you’re made of, not the circumstances.
I had seen and heard this quote before but it took a long time to correlate it with choosing if I would be a victim of this story. I had to manifest into someone else through my journey. I had to fall and become someone I didn’t like: weak and everything I aspired to never be in many ways. Sometimes our most amazing Triumphs come from our worst experiences.
It is growth, taking back your power, and proving to yourself that you are who you want and aspire to be! It may not be as simple as there are no villains in the story but you get to decide if you will allow a villain to make you become a victim.