Encouragement & Hope

Encouragement and Hope – Anonymous Post

Anonymous post:

“As the daughter of prior service members, with a the heart of a servant, I was able to grow into someone that desired to love and assist others. With my Faith in Jesus Christ, I was able to take every ounce of pain that came from a difficult childhood, into young adult years, and transform it into an international platform for advocacy for United States Veterans.

Being such, you would think that marrying my husband, a combat Marine, in 2015 would be easy since I was called, qualified, and competent in assisting Veterans on a daily basis. Rightfully so, I had lay out a plan of proactive measures that would keep us away from all the troubles I see on a daily basis. It was going to work, I was certain.. and, he was on board, too.

Then, just a few weeks after we got married, and before his terminal leave was over.. his very best friend, also a Marine, took his life by means of suicide. When he died, he took my husband with him. There was never any wedded bliss, very few good days in our marriage to date, still. Within 6 months, I wanted a divorce. I couldn’t stand this man I was actually married to. And then, we found out we were pregnant.

During the pregnancy he quit his job, and everything was pretty much downhill from there. I can’t explain enough what it’s like to be the only person keeping the peace in a blended family, with a high risk pregnancy, and not even able to look into the eyes of your husband. I became bitter, resentful.. and the less he would let me love him; allow me to help him, the further from advocacy I drew. How could I help anyone if I couldn’t help my closest neighbor?

We moved, and things with his family became very difficult. Suddenly, I was the reason he wasn’t okay. Childhood trauma, PTSD, and TBI couldn’t possibly be it. It was me. I sent links to literature, begging them to accept his conditions, asking for forgiveness.. and instead, I became worse in their eyes. Their words creeped into his mind, and I was officially an enemy to him… and the newest war began.

As of today, we are still married. I don’t know if God will heal our marriage, or if I can continue to expose myself and children to the process while we wait for God to. I just don’t know anymore. What I do know, is that I’m not the only one. I know that I’m not the only one who fights and struggles well beneath the surface of a war that never ends…

And, I want you to know I am here for you. That I pray for you. That I believe you, and can see the pain in your eyes. I believe in your dreams, and your happiness… and I pray, that like me, you’re willing to believe that you’re worthy and enough.. regardless of the cost.

Freedom isn’t free, but you can be. You just have to decide what it looks like for you. “

14 thoughts on “Encouragement and Hope – Anonymous Post

      1. It’s hard to give a proper comment (perspective) unless I’ve walked in their footsteps …
        For awhile..
        I had people when I re-entered the AF from my TDRL
        Tell me I wasn’t ready to come back… They were all younger…
        Couldn’t understand my ‘old corps’ (old AF). . Those were
        The people I emulated.. ..
        they’d Say ; “do it this way, it’s a short-cut”. “ Not the way the recipe says !” I would reply.!”…. “Nobody’ll know!” “I’ll know !….
        I’d Reply again . “ you guys take shortcuts in BMT?” Why not?… Because your MTI wanted to teach you proper,
        And that’s how I will teach you..
        It took time but eventually
        They appreciated how I trained them .. They just had
        to learn how I operated before
        Just going ahead and doing..
        Well it’s same with knowing about those dealing with problems and those your
        selves are going through or have gone through. To say what. Needs to be done…

  1. This is such a sad situation because the marriage had barely gotten started when this happened. I believe it’s refered to as ‘survivor’s guilt’, and other than prayers and faith, I don’t know how you handle it! If your husband becomes violent, please don’t let your children be exposed to this. Being that you are a Marine wife, I hope you have heard of the Key Volunteers. A call to anyone of these people at anytime of day or night, will get you the help you might need at that time. Good luck Sweetie, I will keep you in my prayers.

  2. My heart and prayers go out to you. Hold fast to Christ your Savior. Psalm 3, Psalm 5 and Psalm 121, may they bring you strength, peace and hope.

  3. I have fought that fight which resulted in gross negligence to the marriage, even infidelity, but I stood the line. I saw marriages in similar situations among our peers, and leaving and fighting and divorcing was not working either. So I committed to prayer and counseling for me, (and I am a therapist so I had to lay my pride and my ego down!) And God brought about redemption and restoration. It is a hard row to hoe but if you are not in danger, (and only the people involved can decide what that means) commit to yourself and your partner that you can step back, clarify that neither of you is the enemy, get some counseling and move forward. Praying for this couple and for healing in each place that needs it, for each of them.

  4. No matter how dim the light, it gives you strength to get out of the dark. Stay in there and hold on, even if it’s by one strand of hair . God is always with you, I’m living proof things will get better, in my travels with the lord. It doesn’t happen over night, it takes time and energy to see and use the tools that God will give you, and get you through the rough path.
    The answers are there in front of you, and you’ll only see it when the time comes, and your hearts need too.
    “He’s always with you, the words will come”

  5. The military attracts most of us because we want to do something, to act, to fix the world and make it a better, safer place. It is when it becomes obvious that all our “doing” won’t make it so that our minds and will either bend and realize that we can only do what we can and the rest is not in our control…or we break.

    My heart goes out to all that have had family, friends and fellow warriors come home from down range only to lose their life Stateside. Praying for all my brothers and sisters in arms that they will turn it over to the only one that is in control. And that their hearts and minds will find peace, even in these kinds of dark emotional situations.

    Psalm 118:14 The Lord is my strength and my defense; He has become my salvation.

  6. This strikes so close to home. I ling denied PTSD to the point in psychological examines I would deny any issues. Finally after being tossed in jail and separated from my family for about 60 days I began talking with the VA psych team and sought treatments. Counselling thru the VA and other sources not only for me but my wife and two young children, I am a late bloomer. All I can day now is we are on a newer path or perhaps back on track that my denials derailed the family. My wife now knows more about PTSD than I do and she helps other spouses.

    As a Green Better I was above accepting what I seen as weaknesses and unmanly mental diversions. This is a trap one can fall into. Best to ask or be offered a ladder to start getting out of the hole we stumble or sometimes jump into.

    We as military always knew and relied on the strength of a team. The challenge is to make that teamwork grow within the family unit. Self analysis only goes so far, we really need others who have common experiences to tell us what we do not see.

    My advice is too hang in there and see if you can help being the man you fell in love with and find out from h what about you he fell in love with. Does it always work? Nope but it is worth the effort and be ready for setbacks.

    Best of luck and the VA has a lot of resources.

    V/R,
    SGM DaleM

  7. The unique stresses that come from a blended family, military service, retirement, and pregnancy would be hard enough for any family but the added stress of depression, PTSD and the loss of loved ones can be more than anyone can take. I pray that this family can find the strength of will to seek out the help it needs. We all need help from time to time and these poor folks need all the help they can get.

  8. I feel for you!! I have met too many spouses that are struggling since I stating writing my book, “Signs of Hope for the Military: In an Out of the Trenches of life.” I interviewed, them. I talked to them on the phone. You almost feel helpless. The answer seems to be to fight back with all your heart. Not a physical fight, but a determination to make it work at all costs. It is hard, at best, but I am praying for you and hope that the answers come quickly for you.

  9. I lived with this for 13 years – and had to deal with it for MANY years after that – I never ever understood why he could hate me so much one minit, and swear he loved me the next. I took beatings, physical and mental/emotional for faaar too long – it stopped when we adopted our eldest, because I just could NOT expose him to this kind of life. He finally left just two days before the youngest had his first birthday. I’ve never been so relieved in my life. Now I’m just beginning to understand that he passed that PTSD down to me and our youngest. Living with him was pure hell, even after the physical beatings stopped – the mental didn’t stop until the youngest was 16 and I KNEW he couldn’t take him away from me. You and your family are for sure in my prayers – for your safety – mental and physical – I’m going to pray very very hard that you all survive this,. I will pray for your marriage also, but in alll honesty, because of my own experience, I don’t hold a whole lot of hope. I WILL pray, tho. Bringing back such horrific memories and tears I thought were over years ago – maintain your Faith – you need that more than anything. Please, please be careful. Please. God be with you, every minit of every day and night.

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